Why Did You Doubt?

“O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” It’s a fair question, Lord. I doubt because this particular storm seems especially big and nasty. Don’t they all? I doubt because you made me responsible for lots of little boats—my classes, students, teams, community, family, friends, and so much more—and sometimes I doubt my ability to keep all these boats floating in the storm.

But that’s the heart of why I doubt, isn’t it? I doubt because I let myself forget that I’m not really the one in control after all. I doubt because I forget that they’re not even my boats to begin with—they’re yours.

And because they are yours, these storms end up being a good reminder to keep looking for you as I doubt. You come to be with me in the storm, usually in ways I don’t expect.

—Matthew Spotts, S.J. is a Jesuit scholastic teaching history and religion at Brebeuf Jesuit Preparatory School, Indianapolis IN.